Linkin Park. It starts with, Hybrid Theory.

24 Oct

|WARNING – This post is going to be long, sappy and maybe even unbearable in some points. If you think you can handle it, read on, If not, well it’s not even really thaaat bad. Give it a try. It’s gonna be a lot like https://perceivedorder.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/thank-you-my-chemical-romance-for-bringing-us-your-bullets-so-we-could-give-you-our-love/ |

2001 

My brother had a friend. (Annoying, but now I’m kinda grateful to him) That friend had an elder brother, who , in the year of 2001, wanted to start a band. So he was way into bands that were just starting out, trying to figure out what it would take for them to make. (Long story short, he formed the band, they covered stuff, and then the summer vacation got over. It was a classic, Summer of ’01). So he used to create these CD’s filled with videos and songs, and then get his brother to distribute them to the people he knew in order to get their feedback on what they liked most about the bands.

So, one day, in November (he kept making those damn CD’s, maybe hoping to take off next summer!) he came over with another one of those CD’s, and as i didn’t want to study, this was like a blessing. So I sat down with them, with pen and paper in hand to take notes, and we started the CD. There was Incubus, and some random stuff (do you really expect me to remember every single detail?! Is this not creepy enough that I remember so much from that day!) So yeah, we’re watching the CD, and then this video starts, and this intro starts. And its Piano and something, and there’s this guy, with blonde hair walking out of this tunnel (At first, I thought it was Eminem). And all three of us are just sitting there watching it.

Now there’s a guy in black, with red and black spiky hair, and he’s in this desert-ish setting, and there are thorns and vines shooting out of the ground, and he’s rapping, and blonde guy is singing, and we’re just sitting and staring at the screen. Then the guitars kick in, and there are 6 guys, on a tower, which is basically this giant stone lady, and she Gargoyles (awesome!) on her head, and they’re playing there, and I know, then, as i’m sitting there staring at this, and the music, and “In the end, it doesn’t even matter. . . .  I knew. This band had me hooked. It actually took me some time to find out what they were called. It was a ripped video, so I knew the song was In the End by Linkin Park . But , at that time, I thought Mike Shinoda was Linkin Park 😐

2012

The thing is that, if you have a favorite band, or a favorite artist, anything can get you hooked. Anything. But that doesn’t also always have to be the case. Sometimes, it takes time to get to know and love a certain kind of music. (Like, it took me time to like Good Charlotte). But, with Linkin Park, like with My Chemical Romance, there was instant thing. For MCR, it was just the name of a song that got me intrigued, with Linkin Park, it was a video.

11 years. Wow. That’s almost half my life. For that long I’ve loved this band, that have given me  Hybrid Theory and Meteora, they’re angry and emotional and just so raw, there’s Minutes to Midnight, people complained, I still don’t get why, you have Leave out All The Rest, that almost gets me to tears each time, and you have Bleed It Out, the live version of which makes sing along with them! and this together with A Thousand Suns, are I think 2 very unappreciated albums. Living Things, is brilliant! It’s amazing and wonderful and I am so proud of the fact that they’ve grown and developed so much, from Crawling to Castle of GlassHybrid Theory. Whether you’re a Linkin Park fan or not, chances are that if you’ve heard about Linkin Park, then you’ve heard about Hybrid Theory. Almost everyone has, it is after the BEST SELLING DEBUT ALBUM of THE DECADE. Yeah. You heard that right.

My Hybrid Theory CD is so worn out, I rarely even take it out of  my cupboard now. It’s like a keepsake of my childhood. And one of the most valuable things I own. Its just filled with so much, I don’t wanna use the word emotion, but that seems to be the only one that fits here. And you can relate to it. Anyone can. Growing up, the troubles, the tough times, you relate to it. And that’s what makes Hybrid Theory so special. Papercut and Points of Authority, have always been my favorites, though the video for Papercut did spook me out a little when I first saw it, (11!  Keep that in mind!) , and when the included With You in the setlist again this year, i did a little Whoop! in my room. Crawling, that’s playing in the background now, listen to it. With your good headphones on (is it just me, who has two of ’em?) . Just close your eyes and listen to it. I get Goosebumps when I do that. And the number of times I’ve sung Runaway to myself, trying to keep all my anger inside. Music helps me keep my emotions in, its helps me stay calm. A Place for my Head, which is playing right now, “you try to take the best of me, Go Away!” , when Chester screams in this,and there’s By Myself,  I’m in awe of his voice. Even after all these years. Chester Bennigton has, without a doubt, on of the most amazing voices in the world! Mike Shinoda‘s rapping, (he didn’t start singing till Minutes to Midnight) , Brad Delson‘s epic guitar backing the song and Rob Delson, who is seriously unappreciated, its all Chester and Mike, for most of the fans, :/  and, ofcourse Mr. Hahn! Dude is epic. I’m just gonna leave it at that. Phoenix wasn’t there permanently till Meteora.

You know, “I brought you my bullets . . . .”, was so much easier for me to talk about, becuase of how hard it to define it. Hybrid Theory, with all its easy definitions and descriptions is a struggle for me to talk about, because its not about it fitting into one particular musical style for me. For me its about an album that I connected with me, that gave me songs I can vent my anger to, because songs listen and understand with you. And I don’t have words to explain that bond. It’s more than genres and nu metal for me, it’s more about an album that was there for me, when i needed support and someone who would get me. And Hybrid Theory got me. And helped me. And I really don’t know how to explain that. With words like these, that gave me strength and were with me as i grew up, how can I even begin to explain something like that?

But I know just what it feels like,to have a voice in the back of my head
Like a face that I hold inside.
A face that awakes when I close my eyes,a face that watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall.

I find the answers aren’t so clear,Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense,I find bliss in ignorance

When things go wrong I pretend the past isn’t real

You like to think you’re never wrong,you have to act like you’re someone
You want someone to hurt like you,you want to share what you have been through

without a sense of confidence and I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take

I wanna run away,never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth,instead of wondering why

How do you think I’ve lost so much,I’m so afraid that I’m out of touch
How do you expect… I will know what to do,when all I know Is what you tell me to

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far,but in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I’m so sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this

The memory now is like the picture was then 
When the paper’s crumpled up it can’t be perfect again

Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown
Eventually break down

I’ve said this about 2 or 3 times now, but its a fact, songs are like time capsules. And Hybrid Theory, in each and every song, has a part of me. I feel the same sense of belonging today, as I did 11 years back. I listen to Hybrid Theory, and i find Somewhere I Belong ❤ 😀 

Hybrid Theory started the journey for me, it gave the teenage me a place to vent, Meteora just cemented it, Minutes to Midnight was a calm in the storm. A Thousand Suns was like a breath of fresh air, and Living Things continues that. Like I’ve said before, I’m not done growing up.

12 years of Hybrid Theory! 

I’m so old. *facepalm*

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Come on, Come on, Its the end of the world.

20 Oct

| Damn. Its been ages since I last did this! But, its also been ages since I last posted something here. No better way to “try” to start again, than by this! So quit your whining WordPress, you wanted a post, you’re getting one! And not just a a random rambly post, but a time stop one! SO yay! 

Whatever. Enjoy. |

 

Three Days Grace – Chalk Outline

All Time Low – Time Bomb

The Manchester Orchestra – I can Barely Breathe 

Boys Like Girls – The Only Way that I know how to feel

Placebo – Ashtray Heart 

You Me At Six – There’s no such thing as accidental infidelity


 

 

Emotions are overrated.

18 Aug

I just read this again – https://perceivedorder.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/the-balance-theory/ ( I’ve added a note at the bottom, check it )

I wrote this on January 20th. I’m reading it again now for the first time. I’m a petty person. That’s for sure. And while i wanted to add this whole not about how I’m not always like this, and I do have sense of decency, I can’t anymore. Because I just realized, that while i was writing this, mum was out with MM and my other aunt. They’d gone out somewhere, and i was home writing this.

MM was alive.

She wouldn’t be 8 days later.

I don’t know how to react to this. I can’t change anything now, I know that. But isn’t it supposed to get better? I want it to get better. I want to forget about her, because living each day, feeling like this, I can’t do it. I really can’t. She was there when i wrote that post. She was there when i wrote all the posts before that. This was probably the second last time I saw her alive. And at that moment, instead of enjoying the fact that I’m with her, I was doing this. I was so pissed when they came back home, I didn’t talk much. Now, i wish i had. A life filled with regret is not something I want.

 

In 10 days, it will be 7 months.

 

7 months, 7 years, 7 days.

 

They’re all going to feel the same.

Surreal, doesn’t get close to describing this.

31 Jul

Why do i doubt the powers of the word ‘surreal’ here? I’ll tell you why. This time last night, i was in the ER, almost completely incoherent, because of the drugs they were pumping into my system. That’s why.

I know i don’t really have the worlds best immune system, but in the 21 years of  life I’ve lived till now, the only time i’ve been to a hospital is to visit someone. I think the last time i went to one, was when my mum had her operation. Last year.   And i know, that’s just how life works, stuff happens that you never think could happen, blah , blah. Still, you can now understand why i think Surreal is inadequate to define what i feel right now.

And it wasn’t even anything serious!

I decide for the first time in 2 months to try to sleep early, by 12. ( I don’t really think I’ve talked about my insomnia much over here, i’ll take care of that in a few days). And within 5 minutes, my face is on fire. and then my head. And i was actually sleepy enough to try to ignore it. But when i finally did make myself get up and go look in the mirror, i looked just like, ummmm, if you read Harry Potter, then in the Deathly Hallows, when the snatchers catch them, and Hermione does a dis figuration curse on Harry, the description of his face? That’s exactly how i looked. AND , if you haven’t read Harry Potter, then well my face was swollen to double its size and my whole body was red and burning. That’s how it was. I’m not allergic to anything! I’ve never been! I kind of liked that about myself, i can eat anything, wear any sort of fibre, run around in pollen filled fields if i want to, ’cause it doesn’t bother me. And there i was, looking the living epitome of allergic reactions gone wrong.

So naturally, i wake up my parents, and my dad freaks out, and he’s just like ‘What’s happening to you?’, “Why are you blowing up?”,”Why can’t you move?”, and i’m just grunting and pointing and trying to get them to realise that my whole body is burning. My mum first suggested we go to the hospital, but i wanted to keep my ‘Hospital Free’ life continued, but then it just got worse, and i started feeling dizzy. That’s when i finally said, that we need to leave, like NOW! And my dad’s running around all panicked wondering if he needs to change out of his PJ’s, and my mum’s trying to gather all the money she can, ’cause i have paranoid parents, who don’t like to keep too much money in the house, so that in the event of a robbery, the robber finds nothing and he just takes our dogs instead. 😐

So, finally we leave, and first go to the nearest hospital, the one closest, a govt. run one, and while my mum parks the car, dad and i go in, me still looking like a some creature from the unknown, and just take one look inside and come back out. It’s in a bad state. A really really bad state. My dad’s nearly about to hyperventilate, ’cause such hospitals remind him of the one where his dad was admitted, and then eventually passed away in, all because of the negligence of the doctors and nonavailability of medicines, only because they didn’t have money to take him to a private hospital. My dad was just 16. So before she could even park the car, we go back, both of shaking our heads, and my mum just sighed, and we finally go to the private one, where we should have gone in the first place!  If they’d only listen to me, actually it was my fault, i refused to go to the private one, ’cause they’re expensive and it was just an allergic reaction, and they’re not supposed to be life threatening right? I wish.

When we reached there, even though the doctor looked bored, ’cause there were people there who’d been in accidents and had serious emergencies, and i was just red and swollen, but he did tell my later, that had we been 10-15 minutes late, i could have had a cardiac arrest. Which is scary. Really really scary. Hence, surreal doesn’t cover it.  Also the day before this happened, was MM’s 6 month death day. ( i won’t say anniversary, ’cause that just sounds festive, and this as far from festive as can be)

So they get me to a bed, and the nurse dude comes, and he tells me they’ll be putting in an IV, which i’d heard, kind of hurts, and I don’t like needles, so i kept saying i’m fine, and i don’t need anything, but he just grabbed my hand, and got me talking about what all i’d eaten during the day, trying to distract me. Except, distractions last a few seconds, not minutes, which is the amount of time it took him to find my vein, ’cause even with no swelling and rashes and redness, it’s hard to locate a vein in my hand, and now it was close to impossible. But, finally he got it one try, and it didn’t really hurt that much, so that was good. They give me steroids, and 2 and 3 anti-allergants, anti-biotics and stuff. I was supposed to stay there for just half and hour, but it took 50 minutes for my skin to get a semblance of normalcy. During which time my mum called M (MM2=M, from now on), and she didn’t pick up at first, but then she saw the missed call, and freaked out ’cause she knew it was 2.30 am our time, and she thought something happened to their dad, and then she and mum talk, and they’re laughing at me, ’cause apparently according to mum i looked better enough now to be laughed at. And my dad’s just staring at me. And i just wanna hug him, but i can’t move ’cause i’m woozy, so i just nudged him with my foot, and i think he got the message, ’cause he smiled at me. And then i fell asleep.

So i wake up, we get the bills sorted, which aren’t actually much, so that’s relieving, and we come back home by 4 am! and mum and dad have to go to work next day, and I’m feeling so bad, even though i don’t think i had any control over what caused the reaction. In fact, we still don’t, and that’s scary! “cause what if it happens again, and mum and dad are going out of town for 5 days this weekend. :/ That’s scary. But, i’m all better now, and my Grandma keeps calling up to ask how I am, she thinks had she been there, this wouldn’t have happened, but  highly doubt it. Mum says it was an insect bite. Which is scarier, ’cause dude! what insect can ’cause a person to get an allergic reaction so bad, that they can have a cardiac arrest! Phew! My skins still a little redder than normal, and it does itch at times, but the doctor said that would happen. I just never want that to happen again. Ever.

 

And i’m exhausted now, but i needed to get down what happened in all its entirety somewhere. And this is my blog after all. I can talk about whatever i want.

So, this post does not need a song. But a little song fact needs to mentioned. I woke up that morning, with these lines from Early Sunsets Over Monroeville by My Chemical Romance, stuck in my head.

And there’s no room in this hell, 
There’s no room in the next,
But does anyone notice there’s a corpse in this bed?
, Weird huh? I think i was singing that while the nurse dude was injecting stuff into the IV, cause he just kept staring at me.

Never go through your old posts, ’cause you’ll end up like this.

28 Jul

WordPress, this what you’ve done to me right now!!! 

Why did you let me go through my old posts! 

Oh my Pokemon!!

GAHAHAHAH!

On the bright side, i now know that i need to pay more attention to my spellings and have to stop whining. I can do that. Totally. See, i finally know how to write totally, you’d think that ’cause i use this word so much, i’d have learnt by now, but apparently i’m like those apes that they have in the zoo. No wait, i think even they take less time to learn words. And they can’t even speak. This is not whining by the way, its self observation WordPress, learn the difference. Maybe you should do some too.

To the Batmobile . . .

Just to say

28 Jul

I love this superhero.

That’s it, That’s all i wanted to say.

Stop rolling your eyes.

I’m quite serious here.

Yes, sometimes i too like to make small mindless posts, about stuff that no one might care about. “cause what do you know, Its my blog! By golly, i can write what i want. and that was what i wanted to write.

|feast your eyes on this while its here, ’cause i’m pretty sure once i’m down from The Dark Knight Rises, watching euphoria, this post is going down, or maybe not, i have been reading the comics for years. WHATever, its here. and its staying. for no matter how long it will stay. it will stay|

To The Batmobile . . . . 

Thank you My Chemical Romance, for bringing us your Bullets, so we could give you our love.

23 Jul

| WARNING – This post is going to be long, sappy and maybe even unbearable in some points. If you think you can handle it, read on, If not, well it’s not even really thaaat bad. Give it a try|

January 2003

I’m 12, standing in the school bus, just wanting to get home after another long day of school. I generally stand close to these older kids, ’cause that way people may age trouble me less,i had no interest in talking about how cute Bon Jovi is. Yeah i wouldn’t mind talking about his music, but i hate when people pay attention to everything other than the MUSIC, surprisingly the big kids take pity on me, and let me stand near them.On this day, ( I don’t remember the exact date 😦 ) they’re talking about this band. One of the older kids’ cousins live in NYC, and they’re here for a visit. Generally cousins from US means new band merch or CD’s. And because i really have nothing better to do, standing there in the bus, i eavesdrop (yeah, i know that’s wrong, but trust me i don’t regret it), and they’re talking about Vampires. Now do keep in mind, back in 2003, Vampires were still cool, and this whole big scary thing, not sparkly ones who climb on trees. Anyways, they’re talking about ’em, and how this band has a song on the CD called Vampires will never hurt you’ and how its pretty awesome. And in that moment, i wanted nothing more than to listen to that song. I dunno why, maybe i thought that would sort of help me on the path to coolness, or maybe it was just one of things that you have to do, or know. I still have no clue why i needed to listen to song so badly. Maybe it was ’cause of the name,  ‘Vampires will never hurt you’, maybe i thought that would help me, i dunno, the fact was that i needed to listen to it. So i turned to the kids, and as politely and sweetly as i could said, ‘Can i please borrow the CD for a day.’ and they just stared at me, but then she handed me the CD. Just like that. (She’s one of my best friends, somehow sharing mutual love and admiration for a band leads to a great friendship) So, i took it home, and went straight to ‘Vampires will Never hurt you’ and listened to it. and then again, and then again and basically for an hour all i did was keep listening to that song. As a result of which, i only got till ‘Early Sunsets…‘ and by then it was time to sleep. I didn’t get to listen to ‘This is the best day ever‘ , ‘Cubicles‘ and “Demolition Lovers‘, until a year later.

I returned the CD to her the next day, and didn’t ask for it again. I wanted the next time i listen to it, be when i get the CD for myself. Which happened a year later when i bought “Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge” and “I brought you my Bullets, you brought me your love”.  It still is really hard to find MCR CD’s here, but luckily, even i have a few cousins who live in the US. 😉

 

July 23rd, 2012

 I’m sitting here today, with my almost 8 year old copy of Bullets. It’s scratched and looks like it’s been played a million times. Which it most probably has been. My mum keeps telling me that i change the case, but i just stare at her for even suggesting something like that. Luckily, both my parents are music fans, albeit music different from what i listen to, but they understand what it means to love a band, to love a song. They may not give me money to buy CD’s and band merch, but they never stop me too. As, Demolition Lovers plays in the background, i can’t help but think, they made it 10 years ago. Gerard sang this song 10 years ago, Frank wasn’t there during the recording, i don’t even know if he was a part of MCR yet. They were all young, just a few years older than i am now. They’d all tried to be something and had failed, but they didn’t give up. They decided to give it one last try. And the result of this last try is what’s playing in my CD player right now. ‘Bullets’ may not have done well commercially, but every MCR fan has a special place for it in their heart. It’s the beginning of My Chemical Romance. It all started with Skylines and Turnstiles, which is playing now.

‘I brought you my bullets, you brought me your love’, never got the recognition it deserves. It’s underrated. Maybe its ’cause its so complicated, so random, so without a theme. Like, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge is about fitting in, being who you are, acceptance, The Black Parade is about death and dealing with it, and also hope, somehow people always mostly fixate on the death part and Danger Days is mad,wild, and basically just brilliant. There’s no single theme to I Brought you my bullets, you brought me your love.  And that’s what i love about it.  The randomness is exciting ’cause each song has a different feel. But , i guess that’s also why there are people who don’t like it.

I was 12 when i first heard Bullets, Gerard was 24 when he wrote the lyrics. I didn’t get at first, in fact i’m sure that i still don’t understand it completely. But, its been 8 years. I’ve grown up with it, understanding it. Each song is different, each song stands on its own. Like,Our Lady of Sorrows, that’s playing now, it’s nothing like Drowning Lessons before it, or  Headfirst for Halos, thats after it. And no matter how many times i listen to it, there are still lyrics that jump out at me, for their meaning, their brilliance and simplicity. 

Well I’ll choose the life I’ve taken, never mind the friends I’m making
and the beauty that I’m faking lets me live my life like this’ ,

like ghosts in the snow, 

Let’s say goodbye, the hundredth time,and then tomorrow we’ll do it again,

Oh how wrong we were to think ,that immortality meant never dying,

And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall
Fall on your tongue like pixie dust just think happy thoughts,

And in this moment we can’t close the lids on burning eyes
Our memories blanket us with friends we know like fallout vapors,

And there’s no room in this hell,
There’s no room in the next,

From silent dreams we never wake, and in this promise that we’ll make
Starless eyes for heaven’s sake,

I think I’d love to die alone,

All we are, all we are , is bullets I mean this.

‘Bullets’ is filled with moments, loads and loads of moments.I think I’ve said this before in some earlier post, but songs are like time capsules.They have memories and moments attached to them, And these songs were written 10 years ago. By people wanting to give their dream another try, to not give up, just ’cause life didn’t work out for them. I listen to these songs, as Honey this mirror isn’t big enough for the two of us plays now, this was sung by a pre-Life On The Murder Scene Gerard, and there was Ray who’d been playing drums in a band, and Mikey who left college to join this band, and Frank who’s My Chemical Romance’s first fan. I’m awestruck.

I don’t choose favorites, i love all albums and songs equally. But i’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for ‘Vampires will never hurt you’, it gave a 12 year old girl hope. I’ve grown up listening to it and Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. Then The Black Parade joined in. Danger Days started the party. and there still plenty more to come. I’m not done growing up.

I can go on and on about Bullets but i’m tired. And It’s now time for me to listen to  Revenge , then there’s LOTMS, TBP, TBPID and then finally DD. (yeah, you won’t get it, its a coded message for the MCRmy. Ha! Unless you’re also a part of the MCRmy, in which case, does this not look  like a coded message? :D)

So, in the end, all i’d want to say is,

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE DAY!!! 

HAPPY 10 YEARS OF BULLETS!! 

(we’re done with the days of red and black)

As always –

Vampires will Never Hurt You 

And if the sun comes up will it tear the skin right off our bones
And then as razor sharp white teeth rip out our necks I saw you there
Someone get me to the doctor, someone get me to a church
Where they can pump this venom gaping hole
And you must keep your soul like a secret in your throat
And if they come and get me
What if you put the spike in my heart